This Friday the 13th Only: Jason Voorhees Selling on B-Stock Supply

For over 20 years Jason Voorhees tormented the small town of Crystal Lake and the campers who arrived every summer. But now, Jason has turned a new corner and is working hard to revitalize Camp Crystal Lake.

We haven’t seen Jason since 2003, when he bravely fought Freddy Krueger and saved the day (or did he?). Over the past 15 years, Crystal Lake fell into despair as campers started going to more specialized science and app-building camps; it was as if no one cared about lakes and canoes anymore. During this period, Jason had much time for self-reflection and he started to receive new orders from his deceased mother (remember, she was the one telling Jason to go on his rampages to avenge her death). It turns out that Jason (and his mother) is no longer the terrorizer he used to be and wants to bring the fun back to summer camp, so he bought Camp Crystal Lake.

No longer needing his treasure trove of hockey masks, machetes, hammers, spears, knives, pitchforks, pickaxes, meat cleavers, sewing needles, harpoon rifles, fire pokers, axes, saws, and corkscrews, Jason has put it all up for liquidation on B-Stock Supply. Luckily, B-Stock has a pre-approved network of legitimate business owners who run butcher shops, lumber yards, fishing expeditions, wine shops, and those who coach hockey leagues in their spare time.

We are wishing the best of luck to Jason and we’re confident he’ll sell his pallets full of sharp blades and masks. When he sent in his detailed manifest, he included a note saying that all proceeds would go towards fixing up the camp, repairing cabins, fixing holes in canoes, and restocking the First Aid hut. Makes us wish we were still young enough for summer camp!

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